You always want to count down your “last firsts.” I remember in my junior year, when my senior friends said, “last first football game” or “last first day of school,” and I wished it was me. I wanted to say that with the same amount of joy that they did.

When I finally had the chance to say it, marching onto the field to perform for the last time with my fellow bandmates, the feeling I felt was anything but joy. 

Going into my freshman year of high school, rough is an understatement to describe my life. I was under negative influences, I was sneaking around my parents’ back, and when they caught me, I was under constant supervision. I could not do anything without them knowing or following, and I did not have my phone for about six months.

My father was in marching band when he was in high school, and throughout middle school, he would talk about it. When the opportunity presented itself to me, I was eager to join and to have an outlet.

It was an overwhelming experience when I joined. I still had to convince my parents that I needed to have my phone. I needed them to understand that I could not be under their watch every day, and it took a while for them to understand.

I had my best friend by my side, but it still felt lonely. Eventually, I opened up and was surrounded by people with open arms, welcoming me into their tiny community. 

Often, I would hear people laugh and make fun of the band, and that started to tick me off. 

There is such a negative stigma around band, one that you do not see as much in drama and chorus, and it is shown in movies, books, and even in real experiences people have had. People think of band kids as smelly, nerdy kids who reject hygiene and do not have any real friends. In reality, they are some of the nicest and most genuine people I have met. Even when seeing me at my lowest, they still choose to be there for me and have my back no matter what. 

People who are not personally involved in an extracurricular do not see the effect that being in it can have on you. 

Recent research has concluded that the arts can boost health and psychological well-being and serve as a therapeutic aid for many, and I, for one, can attest to that. 

I went through my mental battles throughout my years in high school, not just my freshman year. I was battling with depression and anxiety throughout my sophomore year. I contemplated bigger risks, including suicide. I found that playing my instrument provided therapy to me. I remember playing when I was stressed, and within 20 minutes, I felt as free as the music I was playing.

My sophomore and junior years of high school band were the most memorable, as I was getting closer and closer to the people around me. However, it was those years that gave me the most internal struggle. I remember vividly going to my assistant band director and him giving me the advice: “Be in the now, focus on what you can control.” That stuck with me.

At the start of my senior year, I cried at my “last first football game.” I cried hearing the crowd cheer for the last time at my final competition. I cried because I know that this is the last year I will perform with my family.

I believe that if I had never stepped foot into the band program, I would not be the same person that I am today. The band room has heard my sobs, my screams of joy, my grunts of anger, my passion. It has truly changed me for the better.

I plan to go to college at Kennesaw State University and continue to play in the university band. It will be anxiety-inducing at first, but at the end of the day, band people are my people. I know I will not have any problem finding my community there, and I will find joy again in creating my new firsts.

My last concert, after being in the wind ensemble for four years, was on April 22. I owe too much to the Panther Pride band program, but what I can say is thank you to the directors, to the people who care about me most, and all of my friends that I have made, graduates and underclassmen. 

While it is bittersweet, I am grateful that I was able to create my “lasts” with this band program. This family has truly changed my life for the better.